When It’s Not a F*ck Yes, It’s a No (And I Am Not a PR Crisis to Be Managed)

I met Liam (not his real name, but let’s protect the fragile). From the get-go, he was all in or so he claimed. He wanted a real relationship, something serious. He wasn’t into casual dating. He was looking for his person.

And, of course, I was wonderful.

Oh, the compliments! The admiration! The Penny, you’re so incredible, I’ve never met anyone like you before. Mate, I know. But please, continue.

Then Sunday night, he sat on my couch, looking like a man about to confess to a murder. Turns out, he hadn’t committed a crime unless you count spinelessness as a felony.

He told me he was concerned our worlds would clash.

Why? Because I’m progressive. Because I have queer friends. Because I speak my mind. Because I don’t make myself smaller for the comfort of others.

He explained that he’d been at the footy club and overheard someone call another guy a poofter. And in that moment, instead of thinking, Wow, my mates are a bit shit, his first thought was, Oh no, how would Penny handle this?

Not Should I challenge this? Not Do I want to be part of this culture? But How do I manage Penny around this?

Ah, so I’m not a person in his life, I’m a PR disaster waiting to happen.

And that’s when it hit me.

I looked at him and said, “You know what? I think I am too much for you.”

He hesitated, then asked if he could have a few days to think about what he wanted.

Boy, please. If you need a few days to decide whether you can handle dating a woman with opinions and integrity, the answer is already no.

So I told him exactly that.

Because if it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no.

A man who spent our first few dates all but writing me love sonnets shouldn’t need time to decide whether he’s okay with me being exactly who I am. If you think I’m amazing only in theory, only when it’s easy, only when it doesn’t ruffle feathers, then you don’t actually think I’m amazing at all.

I am not here to be managed. I am not a difficult woman. I am just a woman who refuses to perform emotional acrobatics so men like Liam can avoid a few uncomfortable conversations.

So, Liam? Best of luck navigating life with both feet firmly planted in two different worlds. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here, waiting for someone who doesn’t flinch.