You know those women you see around and always think, “She seems cool, we should probably hang out,” but you never actually do? That was Dixie.
We’d shared some time backstage at cabaret gigs a few nods, the occasional “love your lashes” moment, and the standard exchange of double-sided tape, but we’d never hung out beyond the glitter-smeared green room. Until now.
When Loneliness Hits at Midlife
A week ago, Dixie messaged me after reading one of my blog posts, the one about my 30 day man detox and dating fatigue. She said she’d just become newly single and something I’d written had resonated. We swapped a few messages back and forth and what started as a “Hey, I see you” moment turned into a real conversation about loneliness.
We both admitted something that women in their late 30s and early 40s don’t say out loud enough: it can feel really lonely when you’re not coupled up, especially when most of your friends are married with kids, or just… partnered and preoccupied. You start to feel like a weird little ghost haunting the edges of everyone else’s domestic bliss.
So we made a pact. If we can go on awkward dates with emotionally unavailable men, we can absolutely take a chance on a friend date.
And thus, our “Girl Date” was born.
The Plan: Margarita-Fuelled Mayhem
We met at Grinners Dive Bar at 2 PM. It felt like the start of a rom-com where the leads don’t fall in love but instead form a highly co-dependent friendship and maybe open a candle shop together in six months. We ordered a jug of margaritas. Then another. We swapped breakup stories, dating fails, and moments of quiet despair, the kind that only another woman whose love life took a detour can really nod along to.
And then, like any good date, came the side quests.
Side Quest #1: Espresso Martinis & Unsolicited Chaos
After a few rounds at Grinners, we swaggered over to the New Sydney for espresso martinis because nothing says “we’re fine, really” like caffeine and vodka in the same glass. That’s when things took a turn. Enter: a man so drunk he was essentially communicating in Morse code via eye twitches and uncoordinated finger guns. He tried to join us. We tried not to make direct eye contact. It was a tense standoff.
He hovered, swayed, grunted something unintelligible, and finally staggered away when we hit him with the combined force of two withering stares and a brick wall of disinterest.
Enter Daria.
Another cabaret queen known mostly through backstage encounters and lash glue exchanges, slid into my DMs with a glorious: “I’ve been day drinking too.” Ten minutes later, she was outside ready to join the fun, summoned via summoning circle of sequins and sass.
And just like that, our little friend date turned into a trio adventure. Because when you’re open to connection, your night and your girl gang can expand in the most unexpected ways.
Side Quest #2: Finance Bros & Flirty Chaos
With our girl gang now three strong, we made our way to Customs House because when you’ve committed to a full-blown friend date, you don’t just call it at espresso martinis. You level up.
That’s where we encountered them: two finance bros from Sydney. You know the type , button-down shirts a little too tight, energy somewhere between “I own crypto” and “my dad’s on the board.” They zeroed in fast, clearly intoxicated by our collective sparkle or just the fact that we weren’t already fleeing the scene.
There was flirty banter, mild chaos, and the kind of conversation that makes you question whether you’ve accidentally wandered into an episode of Love Island: Tax Bracket Edition. Daria held court like a queen. Dixie sipped and observed with clinical precision. I mostly tried to work out if one of them was wearing cologne or just had incredibly assertive deodorant.
They didn’t last long, we’re magnetic, but we’re not that generous.
Side Quest #3: Bao Buns, First Dates & Questionable Glassware
By this point, the night had taken on that delicious, unhinged energy where every new decision feels both inspired and slightly illegal. Naturally, we ended up at The Den.
There, we accidentally …. okay, enthusiastically gatecrashed the first date of two fabulous gay men who, to their credit, welcomed us like long-lost divas. Within minutes, we were all sharing bao buns and life stories like we’d known each other for years. It was chaotic. It was wholesome.
At some point, someone may or may not have popped a cocktail glass into their handbag “as a souvenir.” I’m not naming names, but let’s just say the Den may be down one very cute coupe glass.
Because when three cabaret-adjacent women collide with strangers on a romantic night out, you either ruin the date or make it iconic. We chose option C: elevate it into a group bonding session complete with laughter, unsolicited dating advice, and rogue stemware.
Side Quest #4: Dancing, a Maths Teacher, and a Hard No to Disney
Because the night clearly wasn’t done with us, the five of us. yes, our original duo had now evolved into a full-blown party squad headed to The Brick Factory. There were more drinks. There was dancing. There was a maths teacher from NSW who somehow got swept up in the chaos like a cardigan-clad extra in Magic Mike: Educator Edition.
Was he hot? Debatable.
Did he know the quadratic formula? Probably.
Did we care? Absolutely not.
He was charming, slightly confused, and ready to party. That was good enough.
From there, the group decided to check out Twisted Lime, lured by the promise of a dance floor and potentially more chaos. What we found instead? Disney Night.
Reader, no.
Look, I love a show tune as much as the next former-theatre-kid-turned-cabaret-queen, but I’m not paying $15 to listen to Disney music when I’ve got a nine-year-old at home who belts out Let It Go for free on a loop. I came out for tequila and bad decisions , not The Little Mermaid on loudspeaker.
We turned around so fast I think I left part of my soul at the door.
And that, my friends, is where our epic girl-date-turned-queer-adjacent-night-of-chaos began to wind down. We’d sipped, danced, flirted, fed, and expanded our circle all in the name of friendship, fun, and refusing to settle for mediocrity (or Mickey Mouse).
Making Space for Friendship in Your 40s
As we said our slightly wobbly goodbyes at 11 PM (nine hours later, no regrets), I realised this felt more nourishing than most of the dates I’d been on in the past year. We laughed, we overshared, we danced on the edge of sadness and joy. It wasn’t just fun it was affirming. There’s a different kind of intimacy that comes from friend dates when you’re older, less performance, more presence.
In a world that prioritises romantic partnership above all else, especially for women, it’s radical to say, “Actually, I want meaningful connection in all its forms and friendship deserves the same energy and intentionality I give to dating.”
Why You Should Date a New Friend
If you’re reading this and you’re hovering around middle age, feeling like your social circle is more of a triangle these days here’s your invitation. Ask out that woman you always say hi to at yoga. Slide into the DMs of the girl you keep tagging in memes but haven’t seen in real life since 2019. Friend dates are criminally underrated.
Because at the end of the day, romantic partners might come and go, but the right friend? She’ll split a jug of margs, sing Pat Benatar at full volume, and remind you that you’re not alone in this weird, wonderful, messy middle part of life.
Final Thoughts: Love Comes in Many Forms
Meeting Dixie and Daria properly, not just backstage in between glitter and falsies, but heart-to-heart and margarita-to-mouth reminded me of something important:
Friendship in midlife isn’t just possible. It’s essential.
We all deserve someone to text when the dating apps are bleak, or when you’re debating bangs again, or when you just want to feel seen by someone who doesn’t expect you to have it all together. If you’re lucky, she might be one DM away. Or standing backstage, waiting for her cue just like you.
Until next time, keep your lashes long, your margaritas strong, and your heart open.
